There are things to miss and things to challenge, the difficulty is figuring out where each lies.

I don’t remember when we got like that, miserable like the rest of the world. It was like we woke up one morning and just decided to stop fighting. So now we stare at each other, hearts split wide open, and ache. I watched him stare at me standing next to another boy, his arms pinned tight against his sides, eyes vacant. It’s like he thought this one meant something more than he did. As if anyone could ever mean more than he does! I know this feeling won’t be permanent, at one point the sting will melt and fall away. But how long will it take?

I saw a previous boy today, one that came before him. We glanced at each other and I realized that it didn’t hurt to look at him anymore. That what I had said was true, the sting had passed. It wasn’t numb, just gone. I was glad of it. I smiled and hugged him. I didn’t linger and inhale all that he was, I didn’t even consider it. It was as though he had always been to me what he is now, a friend with the slightest hint of memories.

That’s what I’m waiting for. I don’t want to have to be numb, I just want to be okay. I mean, I’d give anything to not have to get over him, I shouldn’t have to get over him.. But I will if it’s what he really wants. And although I don’t believe it is, he says it is what he wants. So I’ll respect it.

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