Archive for July, 2011

I’m Just Sayin’ You Could do Better. Tell Me, Have You Heard that Lately?

it’s so hard to explain, this uneasy hatred that isn’t really hatred for anything but my emotions. i don’t hate him, no matter what i say and how much i want to mean it. i could do better, i deserve better. but i don’t want anyone but him. it’s the most complex feeling i’ve ever dealt with. no matter how many times i walk away, and i fight for a new life with a new man; a new love, i always go back. it’s not happiness with him anymore, but it’s certainly not comfortability either. it’s complicated, to the point in which i can’t even understand why i stick around. the times that he makes me miserable outweigh the joy to no end. but for some reason when i am happy with him, as rare as that may be, it feels right. he feels right, i just don’t want him to be. i want him to just leave me be, but on my terms (go figure). he will never be the best thing for me and i know he’ll only seem like the right guy until the real one walks into my life. i hope it’s soon, i can’t take this much longer.

“I know we made a world together, something out of ice, and stars, something like deep sea diving, cold and painful and beautiful and true, but it makes me mad that anything I do now has to be in relation to that.”

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Kiss Quick, I’ve got a Line out the Door Who all Think They can Save Me.

The Static (I Wrote This For You)-

I know how you felt about me. I knew all along. You’d break up a little, become a little more static, whenever you spoke to me and you were always trying to figure out ways to be near me. It was obvious. I’m sorry I didn’t return your feelings, I was an idiot and a fool. And it’s got nothing to do with who you become, seriously, I’m really sorry. Please, give me a call sometime.

Don’t wait until then. Don’t wait and avoid me until you realize this is here. I am here. I am shouting and you don’t even hear me. So don’t wait, do.

Goodness, I should be speaking to myself…

Every Car You Chase.

It’s funny because I actually hate mash-ups. But I am madly in love with this one. I think it’s adorable and it hits some sort of chord somewhere hidden away in my chest.

I’m not sure who my heart is speaking to, I only know that whatever it’s saying is right.

Sweet on the Tip of My Tongue, You Taste like Sunlight and Strawberry Bubblegum.

You’re torture in the very best of ways. I can’t explain it. Seeing you is just… magic. Every single time. No matter how many days span between the last time and just then. You and those stupid camo shorts and those t-shirts that I think you wear for the sheer thrill of shocking people. Maybe you’re not the type of thing that is worth getting over. Maybe I’m just meant to linger with you, even if it stays right here. You make me too happy for this to be a mistake; for this to be nothing.

Just to help people understand, it feels something like dancing even when we’re standing still. There’s some sort of music in my head, even in our silence. It’s nonsense and it’s absolutely beautiful.

Actually, this song describes it quite well: 

Tell Me Why I Should Stay in this Relationship? When I’m Hurting Baby, I Ain’t Happy Baby.

i’m supposed to be careful. i’m supposed to be nice and kind and treat you like a king. why is that? why is it that i’m the one in charge of keeping you happy? while you just keep me chained. i don’t want this. i haven’t wanted this in a very, very long time and yet you keep trapping me. no, i didn’t bring you to that party, because we aren’t dating. no, it’s more than that, it’s because i didn’t want you to be there. because i wanted to have fun, and dance with my friends and not feel like you were going to get jealous. so instead you get angry, because i didn’t want to invite you to a place where you would have hung on me the whole time.. goodness, how old are you?! i wanted to have a good time and when you’re around, i can’t because you’re so busy judging me that i’m suffocated. i really don’t want this anymore, and i’ve even told you so, which is shocking even to me. it’s like suddenly i’ve grown a backbone around you. and you’re attracted to it, but it enrages you. how dare i speak to you in such a tone, because obviously you would never deserve such behavior. oh give me a break!

you can’t hold on to me anymore, so let me go. 

All These Buckets of Rain, I Have Heard About Enough.

i saw all my old friends from high school last night. it was disheartening to be honest. i looked at these people that i once couldn’t see myself living without and couldn’t wait to get away. they were different human being entirely, but in all fairness, as am i. some of their old qualities shone through this newly acquired “adult” skin, but most of what i saw, i didn’t really like.

what hurt the most was my oldest friend, she and i were inseparable. i listened to her drone on about this new boy she’s with and i realized how different she was. how childish and immature she had somehow become from her years at school. it wasn’t that she was talking about a boy, we always used to do that. it was her self-absorption, her utter lack of the rest of the world that surrounded her.

who was this girl? because i surely didn’t recognize her.