Archive for May, 2010

All the Colors Mix Together to Gray and it Breaks Her Heart.

My best friend is dating this girl, he’s been dating this girl for quite some time. And you know, I’m fine with that. If she is what makes him happy then good, I want his happiness. But she’s the most selfish girl I have ever met. She hates me, not for legitimate reasons just because. She hates me because I steal him from her. Me!? I’m the person who hid him Valentine’s Day weekend so that he could end up at her doorstep at midnight with roses. Me. The one who wasn’t even her friend, but sat on the phone with her anyway because they were fighting and she was sure this would be the end. That’s right, me. The same one who then sat on the phone with him and reconvinced him that he loved this deranged girl who was so far from being a woman at all. But she swears it’s justified. He doesn’t see it though.

I so badly want to sit her down and smack some sense into this immature girl. I am the best friend. I will be there for him whether they get married or break up tomorrow. That means as long as he will have her, and vice versa she is stuck with me. And to me, I don’t see how anyone could be that girl in the relationship. I told him I would never be the friend who can’t be around the girlfriend because they hate each other. I promised I would never make him choose and as far as this has gone, I never have and I never will because I do love him. Not in the romantic “your girlfriend better hold on tight” way. But he’s my best friend, I love him like a best friend should. It just bothers me that this girl would have the audacity to say she loves him when she makes him choose everyday. Now, I don’t expect her to be buddy-buddy with me, geez, I’m not even looking for her to talk to me. But if you love this boy at all, don’t make rude remarks to him about me. Do that with your girlfriends. Actually, bad mouth me all you want, but not to him. Love him, don’t torture him… Please, I’m asking nicely.

And That’s Just the Way it Goes: Falling Awake.

Father of the Bride makes me cry.

It’s silly because so many things make me cry. I’m a baby when it comes to triggers, and I have a lot of them. That episode of Grey’s Anatomy makes me weep like a baby. The one where George’s father dies, and they’re all just standing helplessly over his hospital bed. Yeah, I’ve been there. That episode actually aired about a month before I had to be there. It’s pathetic, but I know that episode ran through my mind as I stood helplessly much like George had. Only I wasn’t a doctor, or something of merit to save my father. I was barely a 16 year old girl. I was barely anything at all.

It bothers me though, my friends don’t even seem to realize it. This girl, who I more often than not like to consider close to me, treats her parents terribly. She spent another week of her life not talking to her father because she didn’t get whatever the fight was about to end in her favor. It’s been over 4 weeks and you can see it in that poor man’s eyes that he’s heartbroken. I would kill to have my dad here to bicker with me over the stupid things we used to get so angry about. I would love to hear him yell at me again because I was going to be late for school or I forgot to do some chore that he had asked of me days prior. I love my father, with all my heart. And that’s why Father of the Bride makes me cry. That was my dad. He used to give me those faces and scare the living daylights out of the poor boys I would bring home. He would tease me about the boys who he knew thought I was beautiful, even if I denied it.

So that’s what you should all know. You should love your parents. Even when they drive you crazy, you should love them. Because I wish I loved mine more. I wish I could have him there to walk me down the aisle. Or to look at me as I walked down the stairs in the wedding dress of my dreams. Or even to just meet the man I’m going to marry; to give him those looks I know he gave so well.

It’s Mother’s Day today though, so why they were airing Father of the Bride is beyond me. And I still have my mother to love, and although I wish I had them both, I don’t love her any less without him around. If anything I love her more, I respect her more.

Happy Mother’s Day Ma. I love you. ❤

And She’d Heard So Many Lies She Dunno What’s True or Not.

What’s worse, is he doesn’t even grasp the emotion. Because even though I have been used and abused by so many men, I expected it from them. They made it very clear from the beginning that that’s all they really wanted. I’m not stupid, I know the difference between when a man wants me and when a man loves me. But he played me for a fool, a down right fool. To think he was thinking of someone else the whole time… that is something no man has ever done to me before. So he wins, even worse than cheating on me, he lied to me. He made up this elaborate lie that I was the woman he loved, the one of his dreams and he would never want to hurt me. Now sometimes I understand that feelings change and people make promises that they inevitably break, because nothing lasts forever and no one should ever say never. That should have been my wake up call in the beginning.

Oh but you win, you’ve hurt me so much more than the others. The whole reason I was cautious to begin with, you proved it. So thank you but no, I don’t want to meet him, you dirty lying piece of scum. I don’t even care if I’m the last woman in your life, find another friend. You’re a liar of love, my black and white boy would never hurt me so.