i’d like to thank you for being yourself. and i’d like to help you understand why this was so easy for me to end. i think my friend said it best; and the funny part is that we weren’t even speaking about you.

he said “… it’s like he’s just comfortable. like he could look at another girl and be so much more in love with her than he is with this girlfriend he has. something about that just doesn’t sound right, you shouldn’t want to look at anyone else and picture a life with them. [it should just be that person.]”

you aren’t my world, like i’ve said so many times before and that’s fine. the problem is i don’t want you to be. i don’t want to do girlfriend things for you. i don’t want you to be all boyfriend-ish with me. i’m just too comfortable to let this alone. even at our best we don’t shine. i’m worn and look something like that brushed-gold costume jewelry, as silly as that sounds. but only with you. you’d be amazed to see how much i sparkle and shine when i’m myself. and how much i’m not myself with you.

what made this easy? the “i’m not your boyfriend” comment. so thank you. thank you! notice how it stings when i return the favor of reminding you? as cold and uncaring as it was, it’s the truth. if you can’t console me when i’m hurting, why do i have to coddle you and give you a goodbye? that’s just it, i don’t have to. i’m tired of feeling guilty over nothing. i’m exhausted quite frankly. so save your breath, go off to school and be happy. i really do wish you that. i’m happy where i am especially when you aren’t around. i feel bad that it had to end on a bad note, but i’m not sorry. go be someone else’s something, but remember you left us in ruin. so when you see me shining again, don’t come back on hand and knee. i won’t want you.

love always and deeply,

your cartographer once upon a time

“people are stupid and just want to be loved. it’s the only reason people do anything.”