at the time, he was wonderful. i remember it vividly. Forgetting Sarah Marshall is on and it just made me laugh. it was June 20th, i had a horrid day and i didn’t want to be alone. and there he was, at my door with this silly movie i had never seen: Forgetting Sarah Marshall. he insisted it would make me smile. he was right, and eventually i was even laughing. we laid on the couch and for that moment, i was happy and he was all i had ever wanted. then he took me for ice cream and made me smile, like he used to.

sometimes the memories are enjoyable. sometimes i remember why i liked his presence. why i craved his company. but that was before he was a monster. that was before there was someone else. i always feel sorry that we didn’t work out, i may never stop feeling that way. but what i have stopped is apologizing that i wasn’t enough.