i feel foreign in my skin..

i can’t explain it. i just don’t think i’ve ever seen myself ending up here. it’s that i’m happy and sad all at the same time. and something about that doesn’t feel right.

because i want to hate you and love you all at once. i want to hold you and push you away. because you’ve abandoned me… yet i would be so afraid to shut you out if you came back for fear of losing you again. it doesn’t matter what i want anymore. it doesn’t matter because i can’t make up my own mind.