I put it all out there last night. I knew that those secrets were what was keeping me hanging on for dear life. Like I owed him something for seeing other men without his consent. And as I told him, stomach churning, body shaking from this coldness I felt in my chest, he brushed it off like it was nothing. I know it hurt him, he just won’t admit it. And that’s for the best. I don’t want to know how it hurt him or it didn’t. I just wanted to say my piece or peace, whatever it is. So this morning, as I still lie in bed, I’m overcome with something that feels like peace. Something that feels a little bit like that happiness I’ve been searching for. Because I was honest, I kissed my best friend, and now I owe that Something of a Boy nothing. Because I didn’t want a boy like that holding me down. I’m ready to erase him, locked texts, memories and all. He can just be some boy I meet on the bus. Because people get hurt, and they move on, and hearing the other’s name won’t hurt anymore. It will just settle somewhere at the bottom of their brain until it eventually fades out.

I’m holding my breath for December. December tends to bring about the best kinds of love. The love that’s as pure as the snow that our feet imprint.

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