I found this site the other day. This lovely girl named Asia (or so she signs) writes letters to those she loves/loved. Although most are sad, heartbreaking even, she calls them her love letters.

Yes, this may seem random, but it made me think. I could never send the words I need to say to those I love. Mostly because I know it would break their hearts. But maybe, just maybe I could post them here. Put these oh so needed ‘love letters’ out there so that maybe one day, those I love would come across them and think “That sounds like something she would say to me..”  or “She tried to tell me that once…” and maybe this time they’d listen.

So, it’s worth a shot I suppose, don’t you? There are two people in particular that I’m reaching out to: My Something and My Best Friend. Oh yes, you’ve heard of them here haven’t you? Well, here goes nothing..

Dear Something,

I need to tell you this because it’s been destroying me. I broke up with you for another reason. Yes, it ended because all we did was fight, but recently I realized something. Those fights, the ones I claimed were all your doing, they started because there was someone else in the way of my feelings. Do I blame him? No, no, those were my feelings. It was my fault that I couldn’t decipher the emotions I had towards you and the ones I had towards him. I know if I let his name slip you’ll just nod your head and say “Oh yes, I knew that. That was far too obvious.” And I know you’ll be hurt, but you’ve already heard me say that was never my intention. The break up was real even if the relationship was blurred, it’s the aftermath I’m not proud of. Something, I should have never gone to that party with you. I should have never spoken those sweet words to you, because I knew they meant a lot to you. But to me, they were only words with the faintest glimpse of desire. And I knew that with just a touch, you’d be mine, even if you do sometimes still love her. You see, this other boy was something else and what took you and I months to accomplish took him moments, barely even seconds. But this isn’t about him, this is about you and I and the fact that I betrayed you. I did, because while you were busy trying to protect me, I was handing my heart and a knife over to another boy entirely. But I meant what I said when I told you “I love you”, I just wasn’t in love with you.  The fact of the matter is, it took me settling down with you to realize that. I know you’ll come home and want to see me, or what’s worse, have me come see you… and deep down I know that I would. I would do anything just to please you, including what happened that night. I would even go so far as to say I enjoyed our night because it made you happy, but it was riddled in lies and complications. Remember that drunken slur? I do. You laughed as you kissed my neck, looked into my eyes and said “Does this complicate things?” and I mumbled back “It complicates things more than you know.” I am so sorry.

Love,

The Cartographer of Your Hair.

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