It’s been a few really long weeks since anyone’s heard from me. Not that anyone has noticed, or cared. But here I am after trial upon tribulation. My best friend fell in and out of love with me within that time and I lost and regained my something all at once.

It’s hard to explain, it’s like something’s missing. Like I gained the whole world, lost it, then found a different one only to lose that one and regain the other. My life is far too confusing for my own good. I can’t figure out what I want. I know who I want, but the who doesn’t fit the what and it complicates everything.

It all started with my best friend. He told me he had feelings for me and my mind exploded. No really, I’m not kidding, I felt my brain press against my skull and my eyes shut as I cringed. It’s true what they say you know, that a boy and a girl can never be just friends. And just because that boy and that girl grow up, it doesn’t mean that chance disappears. There has to be some sort of emotion that pulls them together, usually that’s this secret whisper of love. So I had to explain why that complicates things, not that it isn’t what I want but that it’s more difficult than a yes or no. So we tried it out, it wasn’t anything serious, just a whim. I suppose that’s where I went wrong. He ended up hooking up with an ex of his. When he told me, he lost me, his best friend and his “new love”. He sees it as a misunderstanding, something unfair that I don’t have a right to be upset with. So I bit my lip and walked away.

And now here I am turning back to my something who obviously took me back with open arms. And I feel betrayed and hurt, yet I’m betraying this something. This other boy who once had faint whispers of love much like my best friend, until it exploded into bright colors and the smell of summer. I remember those feelings, I loved them until they burned holes through my emotions.