she kissed him. she kissed him and smirked at me and then i started to cry. it wasn’t even real but i felt this terrible sting. i wasn’t looking for a mess like this, not again. he’s reverting back into that boy that i didn’t miss. some days he’s just such a prick and i can’t even grasp my reasons for keeping him around for 5+ years. but where did this come from? where has my boy gone? because i was starting to get comfortable with loving him. i haven’t dreamt about him in almost a year, then i fell straight back into his tricks. his face makes me cry in my sleep. it’s not always a bad thing, sometimes it’s just because he makes me happy. but those dreams always made me nervous, and here go my nerves and i feel myself gasping for air. what was i thinking? how could he ever think of me? he’s pushing me away and i don’t want to struggle. i don’t like fighting with him, it never got us anywhere.

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