That damn black and white boy made his appearance in front of me yesterday. I can’t say that I thought it would never happen. I mean, we  do have the same circle of friends, so suddenly. We never saw this much of each other while we were dating. Now that we aren’t, he has to show up. What bothers me is I can’t explain it to anyone. I can’t tell them he turned on me, he loved another person more than me, while with me. That I didn’t really break his heart, he wanted it to end, he wanted to be with someone else. Someone not so much like me, but more like them. I don’t spite him for loving someone else, I spite him for wanting me to hang onto him. Because it was clear that that was his intention, the moment he texted me after our little run-in. He expected us to be buddy-buddy suddenly and when we weren’t he was lost. He can’t love someone else and still keep me, why doesn’t he understand that? He lied to me. Stole my kiss that I had been saving for decades.

Yes, I consoled him when he cried to me and spilt his secrets. I held him as my shoulder grew wet from his tears. But that was because I loved him, or it was some emotion close to that. I felt something for him then, in the past. Until I made it very clear that I buried us. He and I were left somewhere in the ground, melting with the rotted snow.

It didn’t hurt to see him, that wasn’t the emotion. It was a fire in the pit of my stomach. Here was this boy that everyone thought they could love, except me. I couldn’t love him anymore, because I knew his secret. I hated him for the poison that seeped from his tongue. Blasphemy, he was a liar of love.

Advertisements