Here I sit wondering how everything got to be the way it is. This is the second night in a row that I’ve spent locked in my bathroom on the verge of tears. It’s been 5 months since mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. We made it this far already and she’s really doing well but the deeper she gets into the chemo the more I think of my dad. You see, he died 3 years ago from brain cancer. My parents, two of the few people in the world who never smoked, never drank on even a monthly basis got cancer. They worked for me and my siblings to get us to where we are now are struggling, have struggled. It kills me. It kills me to sit here on the tile floor and sob silently. I want so much to take this away from my mother, who drives me crazy more often than not but means the world to me. I wish my dad was still around, he’d know what to do, how to make her smile. I’ve contemplated shaving my head. I want her to know that I love her, and I’ve told her that. She just laughs and hugs me, shaking her head saying “As if I ever doubted that” How is she the strong one in all of this? It’s harder this time around, I’m all she has. I can’t run off and hide when it’s too much to bear and I think she knows that but I try my best to hide it.

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