Okay, so this one is rather out there. I know a lot of people would rather not talk about it. And maybe I’m putting it out there in hopes that he will read it. It has been almost 6 years. I was an awkward teenager that was far too young for a man such as himself. He was older, goodness I don’t even remember by how much, but he was in college. I had met him at camp and I don’t know what I was thinking. If you asked me today, I probably couldn’t even tell you what he looked like. His name is like poison on my tongue and I’m not sure if it’s even really his. He was my demon to say the least.

I was so young. How could he do that to someone so young? Someone so innocent and uncomfortable? Had I not been so unaware, I could have prevented it. It was my own doing for being so young. I shouldn’t have let him in my room and I shouldn’t have been alone with him but I did and we were. We were so very alone. It was as if I was in a dream, or a nightmare rather. You know, the ones where you can’t scream. You open your mouth and you try and try but your lungs seem to collapse within you. It was like that. Only it was the pressure of him on top of me that prevented the screams. He didn’t succeed. I don’t know how he didn’t. He was so much bigger than I was.

I remember going to my friends, how I ended up outside in the first place is more than a blur. Not a single one believed me because they had all wanted his attention so badly. I mean, I understood. How could a boy such as that want a girl such as me? It was unbelievable, tragic even. But that is besides the point because regardless of whether or not they believed me, I know. And I had hurt, marks and bruises, tears and hours.

But I want you to know, if you just so happen to be out there, I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful despite you ruining me. Despite the fact that you tried what you did. I saved myself and you failed. You failed to ruin me. I may have felt dirty within my own skin for only God knows how long. But I am beautiful and I realized that for some reason today. I had known, but it took some reminding.

Well readers, this is why I don’t tell people who I am. No one knows that story, not really. But now you do, and I want you to know that if it’s happened to you, it was not your fault. No matter what, you did nothing to ‘ask for it’ and you sure as hell didn’t deserve it. I promise you that. Always.

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