In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer

Have you ever been so overpowered by someone that you lose yourself? I’ve become so lost in him that I don’t remember the pain that I was growing numb to. It scares me because what if he leaves again? I would rather hide from him. I would have rather hid and not known. But now something is eating at him which in turn is eating at me and I’m lost in his eyes that I’ve only seen once in the last 7 weeks. That’s not fair but I don’t hate him for showing up again, I love him a little more. I am lost without him, honestly I am. Not because we dated, but because he was such a part of my life beforehand.

He’s so black and white and I’m so gray. Nothing in my life is absolute, that is my belief. Everything in his life is absolute, that is his. He’s not wrong, neither am I. We are just different. I think that’s how people are, the artist in me believes that. That if you live in the gray, your perfect match is the black and white person that fits your gray and vice versa. That two people who see the world in black and white and are together aren’t right for each other, they don’t blend and they don’t learn, the same goes for two gray people. Even if you don’t end up with your opposite, you need to at least know them, love them if only for a moment. They open up your eyes and help you feel. I feel more since my black and white boy showed up. The problem is, the person who sees things in black and white often doesn’t like to butt heads as often as the person who sees gray. I like to be fought, not for the fight itself but because people who give in to my whims bore me. I like to be told I’m wrong even if I really believe I’m not.

“I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore..”