Breakable- Ingrid Michaelson

Have you ever had a person follow you before? Like a puppy? Only they aren’t cute like a puppy, they’re obnoxious; like those loud birds outside my window that wake me at 6 in the morning on good days. The problem is I don’t have just one, I have several. I’m like a magnet for controlling men who don’t have a chance with love. I’ve been told on occasion that it’s because I’m “too nice”. I don’t believe that, I mean really? Being nice to a desperate guy makes them believe that I’m ready to jump on them? I can’t be mean though, I feel like that’s wrong, especially if they are nice guys. But come on people, if a girl ignores your text that doesn’t mean try again in 20 minutes. It means give up. She doesn’t want a pointless conversation with you. Especially if all you’re going to do is make her feel uncomfortable and inferior. She just wants to be left alone.

It just baffles me. Here I am getting more attention from random men I meet at school by chance than from my own boyfriend. Ex boyfriend. That boy was the biggest waste of time. Ladies, if you’re out there, let me tell you something. They aren’t kidding when they say boys mature slower than girls. So don’t date younger men. It’s not because of the stereotype either, you know the one I’m talking about… the one that says the boy has to be older… well here’s an equation for you:

Older Girl who is Mature for her Age + Younger Boy who is Immature for his Age = The Biggest Disaster You Could Imagine.

I love him still with all my heart, really I do. He’s an old friend with the brain of a genius and a great sense of humor, but when it came down to it… he just wasn’t the one I had hoped.

What do you think about being friends with an ex? Do any of you believe it’s possible? Especially if you both still have feelings for each other… I think it’s crazy and it’s stupid.  Love is hard. I think that even when it’s right, it’s hard. It’s kind of like a battle, but rather than having a winner and a loser, it’s just the fight because even if you win, you lose. The problem is that I think you can love someone and not end up with them. You can love them with all your heart and it still could not work out. But where does that leave you? I mean, the pain is still gonna be there because you’re supposed to feel. You’re supposed to remember because if it’s really love, you’ll know, and you won’t stop fighting for it until there’s nothing left. And even if it doesn’t work out it’s still worth it. You come out of it changed, new, a different person than who you were going into it. You start thinking about other people and really caring for them, not just saying you do. Love is probably the best thing that can happen to a person. To any person. I really do believe that quote, “that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” But here’s the thing, you have to lose them. Holding onto someone you love through a lie is still a lie and all that will happen is that that loved one will grow to spite you.

There goes my mind, spewing madness that should never leave my head.